hooey

Hy-en welcome to Hooey, the show where you can spit and curse and still come away with nothing.

mined, mind

Have you mined for your mind? Thrice I thought I might. But alas, it is not a pleasure to seek for what is lost, when one knows one will not find it.

joints

I bet her joints aint what dey used ta be. Shoo girl. gimme a buncha tabys anyday an I'll tell you what all.

volary

Bad news fo' sho! He gonna lock her up in a volary, or worse! Naw, I wouldn' wanna be in her shoes even when she aint wearin' dem! Amen sista.

hyla

Sista Hyla run neked da oda day. She say the lord was wit ha. She say was da bes' thing eva happen since makin room for jesus in ha life. Mmmm-mmm. Makes ya jis think, don' it?

lawn

We sho nuf do. Dat we do. We reked here today. Lawn's jus' bout done. Guess we oughts ta compliment ourselves, huh? We sho can real in dem compliments; even if day is just ta ourselves.

bo

Bo had the hebe jeebees, en I don' know what all else. Seems it was jus' one o' dem days. Glad you're back n' runnin'. Thanks for the compliment. Now if I could just get rid of this gas I'd be just fine too. But then, it's a nun's life, and the lord works in mysterious ways.

quarer, vexil

I don't mean to be a quarer of bad news, but my phone is cooler than yours! I'm so excited to talk to you on it. A vexil pattern could be awesome and inspiring. I'd go for it!

to, oyer

So you finally jumped overboard after already walking the plank, eh? In that case I'm sure you'll understand me when I say, "To ye oyer there ye to oyer. There."

titfers

An you know te titfers was like some-m fine viands fer him! Nun matters how sag dem things be te he from all dat yankin'! You don' gotsta tell me nun 'bow tha'. Ewww lordy! Some else. Some else. Don' think I can sit fer weezin afta that one! Mmm hmm hmm.

qi and tall teeth

I must say, my qi has certainly been creative. Thank you or noticing. Perhaps it's the itchy eye and tall teeth, or the swollen foot, and gastrointestinal issues (all in moderation). Nevertheless, there's nothing like discomfort to get one's juices flowing. One never can tell. No, one never can tell.

mobie, am, lo

We went to a movie (ratatouie or however you pronounce it) and then saw some fireworks and then set off sparklers. I am lo because I started my period and am a waterlogged pad soaking mobie. I wish someone would just wring me up and hang me out to dry. It would be a relief.

gym, om

Om bout 8 yer now. She say she gonna be bes in ha gym class nex yer. I don know doe. Seem she gonna need some help from Jesus on dat.

donjon wifed join viand

Our top story for the day: Donjon wifed yet another. Also in the news, another wife laughed at her life, but not so hard. First let's go to meteorologist Frank Davis with a look at our local weather. Thanks Betty. Well it sure is windy out there, but don't let THAT fool you. That's the warm front PUSHING it's way into the bi-state area. Yes folks it's going to be nearing 100... DEGREES out there today; with humidity it COULD feel much hotter. GOOD news IS, Friday's temperatures will diminish SLIGHTLY. Yes folks, summer is JUST... around the corner.

And thank you Frank for that all-around update. Will there be anyone else exciting join-ing you at the anchor desk? And what ever happened to Donjon?

That's my job, carol. I DO what I can... WHATEVER the weather. Huh, huh, huh. And I THINK ...BETTY can answer that question for us, BETTY? Thank you CAROL, FRANK. Our top story tonight concerns the man INFAMOUSLY knOWN... as Donjon. Joining us this hour via satelight in Aqueda La Har is BFS NEWSanchor, Tom STEINburker. TOM... YES. HELLO. IM STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE ... AN ORNATE VIAND IN CELEBRATION OF THE FIFTEENTH MARRIAGE OF THE INFAMOUS SAND TYCOON... DONJON. HIS MARRIAGE TO ... NAHIRA BA-TON... 16TH DAUGHTER OF LOCAL PEASANT... VAR - NA NA NA ... HAS COME AS QUITE A SHOCK. NEVERTHELESS, IT IS SAID, THAT DONJON DESCRIBES HER AS THE FINEST GRAIN OF SAND... AND SIMPLY HAS TO HAVE HER. ...AS YOU CAN SEE, FESTIVITIES ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY... IT IS SAID THAT WHEN THE WATER... FLOWN IN FROM NEIGHBORING VILLAGE, ...CATALA ... RUNS DRY,... IT WILL BE LIFE AS USUAL, IN THE PALACE. BACK TO YOU. THANK you, Tom. Well, that IS SOMETHING, ISn't it? WOW. .. COMING uP, CLEANERS, imported from CHINA, are SAID to have been the cause of .. conjunctavitis.. Ohio woman Deloris Viles ... tells her story. Find out if YOU're just seeing things... after this commercial break.

dotings and scolds

He who scolds another's dotings scolds ten. ha ha ha. What the hell! When do you go home? I don't remember how long you said you were going to be away.

bacon and bourbon

Like a beacon in the night, sobriety scathed the walls of the cafe and that squalid topic was put to rest by Canada, having been eaten with a slice of bacon and washed down with a bottle of bourbon.
Sadly, it was time to go home.

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